Can't Find The Words
by InuYasha's author
Summary: Sequel to She Will Be Loved. Rated M for violence, slight, language, and some other fluffy things.
1. Tiger

(instead of saying god Norm says awya, for example, awya I was going to cry. Like god i was going to cry)

_" I love you."_

The bullets ripped throung the heart of my Avatar and then befor everything went black for a brief moment Trudy's face flashed through my head. There was the hiss of the link opening and I fell out gasping for breath my hand clutched at my heart.

In that brief moment before I'd had the black flash I'd seen something to haunt me for the rest of my life.

The plane with a tiger on the side, Trudy's plane, blew up. Fire and burning metal raind down and in that moment I knew she was dead. They both were dead, her and our baby. There was no way to survive that inless you were extremelely lucky.

I wanted to see her, one last time. I grabbed an exo-pack and her favortie gun storming out of the little chamber. I pushed angrily through the brush and headed toard where I'd last seen her plane.

_Trudy, Tru, Truds,_ She was gone. I still couldn't belive I'd never see her smile at me, never hear her call me Tiger, never feel her again.

I thought of the song I'd had for her. One over two hundred years old.

_' Beauty queen of only eighteen she had some trouble with her self.' _ Trudy was younger than me. She was twenty five and I was twenty eight.

_' He was always there to help her, she always belonged to some one else.'_ Or so I'd thought. _' I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door, I've had you so many times but some how I want more.'_ I thought back to every time we'd made love, every glorious moment. Every kiss, every touch, the feel of her lips on mine and her skin soft as satin under my fingertips.

_' I don't mind spendin every day out on your corner in the pourin rain.' _ I'd do anything for her._ ' Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay a while. And she will be loved, she will be loved.' _I hadn't ever in my life expected to fall for her. Not that hard that fast. And by some miracle she'd loved me too. _' Tap on my window, knock on my door I wanna make you feel beautifull. I know I tend to get so insecure it dosn't matter any more.'_ Nothing but finding her mattered. Holding her one last time.

_' It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise,'_ We knew that all too well, I laugh bitterly as I drew slowly closer to the place where fire rained._ ' That moves us along, yeah. My heart is full and my door's always open.'_ Even if she was gone with Awya, I'd always be waiting for her to come back to me, some how. I'd always wait for her to keep her final promise. Her promise to come back to me. _' You come any time you want.'_ I didn't care how long I had to wait. _' I don't mind spendin every day out on your corner in the pourin rain, look for the girl with the broken smile. Ask her if she wants to stay a while. And she will be loved, she will be loved. And she will be loved, she will be loved.'_ Awya I was going to break down and cry. I shook my head as I got to the edge of the fire and melted metal that once was Trudy's whole world. That once was the first place we had ever made love, the place our baby was concived and the place our baby died. _' And she will be loved, she will be loved, And she wil be loved, she will be loved. I know where you hide alone in your car. Know all of the things that make you who you are.'_ I knew everything about Trudy her whole story, and she knew mine.

_' I know that good bye means nothing at all, comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls.'_ Tears ran down my face as I threw the gun away and started sifting through the rubble looking for the one thing that held my heart. _' Yeah.' _This hurt so bad, worse than being shot, worse than anything I'd ever known. This pain cut me so deep I didn't think the wound would ever heal. _' Tap on my window knock on my door I wanna make you feel beautifull.'_ That was the one thing in this world I had wanted. To make her feel as beautifull as she was. To make her feel wanted and needed and loved and cared for. _' I don't mind spendin every day out on your corner in the pourin rain, look for the girl with a broken smile. Ask her if she wants to stay a while. And she will be loved, she will be she will be loved, she will be loved. So hard to say good-bye, so hard to say good-bye.' _I searched and searched, long after we'd won the war I kept looking for her, but I couldn't find her. I couldn't find her.

She was gone.

I made it to the tree of souls and sat there right infront of the tree, as a human man and cried. I cried and screamed, my voice tortured with pain. I had never in my life hurt like this I was being torn from the inside out. I slept there, unmoving plauged by nightmares. Jake found me there the next morning, in his Avatar.

I knew I looked like hell, my eyes hurt from crying, my troat was thick from throwing up, my heart ached from the loss.

" Norm." Jake looked at me pity filling his eyes. " Norm, I'm sorry."

I shook my head and rolled over just in time to throw up all over the grass below me. I hadn't eaten in days, so now it was just acid and bile. I hadn't been inside or changed my clothes. I hadn't done anything but lay here. I'd had nothing to drink so I knew I was dehydrated and i'd die soon if I didn't do anything. I wanted to die though, wanted anything to end this hurt that gnawed away at me like a thanator.

Jake bent down and picked me up cradleing me like a child. He carried me, as a strong new Na'vi back to his Ikran and then, he flew me to the base where Max was waiting. Jake set me down next to Max, gave Max a knowing nod and then was gone. Max put his arm around my sholder leading me into the lab like a injured person, and I was injured. Just not in a physical way.

Max sat me down at a table in the lab and slowly fed me something I couldn't name. He made me drink alot of water and then and only then was I allowed to sleep.

AVATAR

_" Tiger."_ I jumped up comletely awake. I had just heard Trudy say my name, it sounded so real, but it wasn't. I sat there long after midnight and I knew what I needed to do. Hell I'd probably die doing this but it had to be done. I got up still wearing what I had been when Trudy had died. The thought brought tears to my eyes again. I stood up and grabbed an exo-pack comepletely forgetting the gun. I laced up my boots and started running.

Every one had told me she was gone, they'd seen the plane blow up but, no bones, body parts, -I winced at the thought of them bringing back a severed leg or arm- or Trudy's body had been found. People had survived plane crashes before. Thousand of million of times over history and Trudy was tougher than half the people who survived even more dangerous explosions. I guess I just didn't want her to be dead, I still had hope and if that hope left me I knew I'd kill myself (suicidal norm creepy right?) just to end the pain.

I kept running through the forest and trees and brush, past animals that slumbered and ones too wide awake till finall, finally I got to a place I hadn't been, none of us had, in weeks. The little bunker, chamber what ever, where Jake and I had stayed safe and hidden during the battle for all of Pandora. The last place I'd seen Trudy alive. The place we'd lived and laughed, the place she'd taught me poker, the place I'd seen her cry, the place where Grace had died, our whole world had been this small room.

My legs started to shake and the tears pooled under my exopack as I came face to face with our bunk. Oh fuck, I didn't think I could do this. But I had to. I reached for her back pack, which sat at the end of her bed, and started sorting through things like this would make any difference. Most of it was clothes, ammunition, stuff for the Samson, but there tucked away at the bottom was a piece of folded and re-folded paper.

_Baby names:_

_ Norm_

_ Joseph _Her brother. (once again we're pretending, Trudy had a brother)

I had to take the exo-pack off or I would drownd. The air was stale but it was air. I wiped my face and sat down on my bed -our bed- and held my head in my hands. She had wanted to name the kid after me, me. Here I'd wanted a little girl to be just like her amazingly wonderful mother and Trudy wanted one just like me. I smiled but it was a bitter smirk, that reminded me of Trudy's smile that last conversation we'd had with Max before the battle.

I frowned again and stood up reaching over to the computer and camera we still kept here. All part of the science. I figured it might help to get this out. I'd never tell Jake, the offically never going back now nine foot blue monkey, or Max who was now engaged to Laura. This had to stay between me and Trudy.

I clicked on the computer and there was the sound of static before a dark room filled the picture. Trudy's face appeared on the screen and she started talking.

_" Ouch dammit Norm, I tripped over your fucking shoes, again. I get up to pee and you nearly kill me now here I am trying to tell you something important and you do it again." _The picture blurred as she kicked my boots under the bed. _" Okay so I did have something to get off my chest here Norm.I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you a million times over I love you. God," _She started to sniffle and wiped a hand under her eyes. _" Didn't think I'd be crying. We both know I'm going to die today or tomorrow or what ever it's a fact. When tigers go against dragons they lose. That's all there is." _ I sat back in a chair my eyes wide, just letting her voice ripp through me. _" I need you to know how much I love you. When I'm around you I don't need my plane to fly. The reason I loved my Samson so much was because it got me away from the world. The screwed up place we're forced to live in. The place of anger and pain and heartbreak. You made it all go away. You made me want to keep my feet on the ground. God Norm I-" _She chocked up rubbing her face again. _" I don't wanna die, I wanna stay here with you forever. I want you to hold me every day for the rest of forever. I want to love you forever. I want to wake up next to you every day never having to stop. I want to die when we're older than dirt safe in our bed surrounded by our grandkids. I don't wanna die at twenty five even if it is in some valliant way. I don't want honor, I just want you. I want you so bad it hurts. Guess I'll have to go tell you good bye here in a minute or two other wise the battery'll die or I'll break down like a baby. I'm not even sure you'll ever get this. I pray to God, Awya, who the hell ever you don't but if you do well, ain't that a bitch?"_ She smiled and ran a hand through her hair. _" I want this baby of our's Norm. I wanna watch him grow up and play and live. I want him to be just like his daddy. Knowing you, like I do, you want a baby girl who's exactly like me right?"_ She smiled again. _" I remember when I was little before my mother left she told me, right after Joseph died, that no one ever really dies. They're the sun you feel on your skin, or the wind in your hair, the smile on your lips and the rain that pours from the sky and here in Pandora it pours. And I want to tell you the same thing she told me. I'll never leave you, I'll be with you one way or another, and who knows maybe I'm not even dead maybe you just misplaced me for a while." _What she didn't know was I kept praying to Awya she was alive and I just hadn't seen her and that she'd gotten out okay._ " I'll be with you when the sun hits your face, that face I'd know any where and see in my dreams, when the rain drips down your skin it'll be me tracing my fingers down your back, or through your hair. The whisper in the wind'll be me telling you I love you. And don't worry Norm I know you love me. I know you'd do anything for me. You'd be any one but the only one I ever want you to be is you." _She had to stop for a minute and i could hear her crying, she looked up tears still in her eyes and continued. _" God never thought I'd be so cheezy but you changed me in that way too."_ She gave the camera, and through it me, a watery smile. _" Tiger, if I do die and you fall in love it's alright. I'm mean fuck I don't want you to ever love any one but me, but if I'm not there and you fall for some girl with an IQ higher than even yours, I'll let you. I know you'll always love me but-"_ She had to stop again. I didn't even notice I was sobbing till I couldn't see her. I wiped my face and watched the sceen again._ " Norm, I don't want you to love any one else. I want my name to be the one on your lips. I love you, and if I die, I'll be with you always. Be strong Tiger, I'm here."_ She kissed her hand and then touched the monotor, right over where my heart was. _" And I always will be. Bye Norm." _ The screen went blank. I stood up on wobbely feet and crumpled onto the floor screaming. This hurt so bad, I wanted it to end.

I saw the gun on the floor and I picked it up with out knowing really what I was doing. I put it to my head squeezing my eyes shut.

" Tiger."


	2. You knew this was coming

Review and get the next chapter. No reviews no chapter. Simple as that. Thanks love to all my fans!


	3. Baby

(yay i got like 6 reviews! thanks to those who reviewed I LOVES ALL MY REVIEWS are those who didn't? eh oh well here you go long awaited chapter two... enjoy.)

" What the hell are you thinking? Are you a fucking idiot? Killing yourself what the hell is that going to do for anyone? Your such a moron goddamit Norm." Trudy pulled the gun from my hand and was screaming at me boxing my ears and my chest. She was alive.

" T-Trudy?" I couldn't speak so I whispered.

" Ya it's me, I save my ass from dieing after my fucking plane is blown up and you try to kill you self? What the hell is wrong with-" I picked her up and kissed her. My hands knotted in her hair and my mouth opened and then her's was open and she was on the floor below me and I was kissing her harder than I'd ever kissed any one before, even her. My hands were every where checking her for wonds as my mouth stayed glued to hers. The only thing I noticed -when I pulled on her legs to stand up, was that her pants were soaked. Shit what had she been doing?

" T-Trudy, what have you been doing have you gone through any water or anything?"

" No why?" She looked confused, like she didn't know.

" Your pants are soaked." She looked down then back up at me then back down.

" Shit, my water broke." Her water? She was only three months pregnant. Fuck.

Without really being sure of what the hell I was doing I had her on the floor and her pants were off and I had my hand pressed to my neck.

" Max? Max? Shit Max pick up the goddam phone it's a fucking emergency!" I barked into the phone.

" What? Norm what is it? Where are you?" Max's voice filled my ears.

" Your a doctor right?" I ignored his second question.

" Of course why?"

" Trudy's water just broke what the hell do I do?"

" Trudy? Wiat what-"

" MAX HER WATER BROKE AND IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK TO DO I'M GONNA LOSE HER AGAIN NOW TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK I SHOULD DO!" I screamed angrily while Trudy winced and gripped the floor hard.

" Her water broke? Okay let me see... you need to get the baby out, cut the cord and keep Trudy from bleeding to death. Tie the end of the cord and wait for the placenta to detach and then she should be okay but Norm, I don't think the baby's gonna make it, not at that early in development-"

" I know, just let me save her. Max I can't lose her, not beofre I'm even certain I got her back." I turned back to her and watched pain rip across her features. She took a deep breath and gave a long push tears in her eyes.

Three more pushes and the baby, what should have been our baby fell into my hands. It was so small, I could easily hold it in the palm of my hand. It didn't make a sound. I didn't take my eyes off of our baby as the placent came but them I remembered what Max had said. I cut the cord as Max burst into the room with Laura at his heels.

" Move over Norm." I didn't move so Laura led me away our baby still in my hand tears in my eyes. It was so small, so incredibly fragile looking.

" Norm, I'm so sorry." Laura sat me down at the table in the kitchen -the little base was now complete, the other half was brought down right after the war- and I couldn't stop looking at what was going to be my baby. Laura looked around for a while and found a white silk hankerchief and a small box, she took the baby from my hands and wrapped it up setting it gently in the box.

Max came into the room wiping blood off of his hands.

" She's fine. She had a shit load of injuries, broken bones, rib fractures and everything else but I fixed her up and gave her a hell of alot of morphine. She's torn up over the baby and I seriously doubt she'll ever have kids again but she's going to live." Max walked over to Laura and looked at me. " Norm she needs you, go on, we'll be at base when you need us just call."

" Thanks, Max." I turned around and walked into the bedroom/hallway. She was still on the floor a blanket thrown over her lap her heand at her knees. I bent down next to her and ran a hand over her hair smoothing it down.

" Norm." She turned to look up at me with wide red rimmed eyes. " He didn't make it did he?"

I shook my head and she fell into my chest. Then I saw her do something I hadn't before. She was sobbing, really sobbing and wailing. It broke my heart. I pulled her into my lap, like I had so many times before and held her, just held her. I wanted to kiss her, wanted to fuck her so hard she'd never see again but I didn't. Right now all she needed was for me to hold her close and never let her go.

" I just want you to hold me every day for the rest of forever." Her face was in my sholder and I was crouched around her hididng her from the world.

" I'm so sorry Trudy, I have never been more sory of anything in my entire life." I was crying the tears silent down my face and we sat there for hours in our own small bubble of grief.

AVAVTAR

" Trudy." I whispered late that night to her sleeping figure in my arms. " I thought I'd lost you. I was ripped open inside, that's why I put the gun to my head. I didn't eat, couldn't sleep, my body felt cold, alone. All I did was cry. I thought you were gone forever that I'd never be able to feel you in my arms again." I squeezed her lightly. " That I'd never get to hear you say my name and see you smile at me. That I'd never love you again. I only cared about seeing you again and that was how I could do it. I missed you every day, you were in my dreams over and over again. Each time I woke up the pain hit me again so I didn't sleep. When I ate it only made the pain stronger, so I stopped eating. Each breath reminded me you'd never breath again so I wanted to stop breathing. I love you. God do I love you." I kissed her ear lightly curving into her again. I wasn't ever going to let her go, not now, not ever. I curled in even tighter so we were nose to nose her breath, real and here, washing on my face.

" I'm sorry Norm." Her eyes opened. " I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to keep your baby. I'm so sorry he's gone." Tears bit the edges of her eyes.

" We can try again Tru, if you want. I don't care how many babies we have, if you want a million I'll give you every one of them. I'm glad your still here. You are the one thing I could never live with out, belive me I tried. I need you." I kissed along her jaw slowly. " I want you." There'd be no Jake to pop in on us now. This was just the two of us. " Right now." I kissed along her neck the taste of her skin so familiar I would have known it anywhere.

Her finger, those fingers of hers, braided in my hair but the sound she made in her troat was enough to make me pull away.

" I'm sorry." I hung my head my eyes closed. I knew this wasn't what she'd want not after we'd lost our first child, but I'd missed her so much. She was gone for only a few days but it had felt like forever. I didn't know hwere she had been and frankly didn't care just as long as she was here with me now. I left my arms around her but straightened out so we weren't touching at every possable place and closed my eyes waiting for sleep to come.

Something very soft pressed against my mouth, something ver familiar. I kept my eyes closed and her arms wound around my neck sneakily. She kissed me a little harder and I kissed back softly knowing if I wasn't carefull I wouldn't be able to stop myself. My hands found her back and she winced. I pulled away curiously and pulled her shirt over her head flipping her on her stomache in one deft move.

Her back was covered in burns. Only first to second degree but they were still bad. I dug around in ym bag, on e hand on her waist to keep her from moving, and found what I was looking for. Something the Na'vi had given me, saying it cured burns. It was green and thick, cold too. A sort of Na'vi Aloe I guess. I took a palm full and rubbed it along her back in a soothing motion, I gentle pulled away her all too familiar sports bra and saw the burns were there too. I rubbed from her sholders to her hips and back till the container was empty and her back was only slightly red. By then she was asleep so I gentle eased her into my shirt, the one she'd been wearing the day of the battle and lay down next to her my arm over her waist. She rolled over her hand landing over my heart and my slipped closed to the feel of her hand on my bare chest.

AVATAR

Trudy woke me with a kiss, her lips on mine, demanding and if I wasn't wrong slightly angry.

" Tru?" She didn't answer. " Baby? Mind telling me what your trying to suck out of my mouth." Her tounge was in my mouth and shit did it taste good but I didn't see what she was doing till her hands found my belt.

_'Oh.'_ I smiled lightly and pulled my shirt over her head her pants and boots taking a little longer. I was once again left in only my socks. How was it I always ended up in my socks? They made me look nerdier than usual. I frowned but smiled as the thought was wiped from my head but Trudy and those fingers of hers.

This time I was slow carefull, really trying to get her pregnant. This time wasn't hurried between the brief hours we had before Jake or Grace got back, this time was sweet and sexy and slow. I kissed her hand each of her finger tips, when it was done, as if she would break. We both had broke already, she curled up against me in nothing but her skin and I smiled wrapping myself around her my socks still firmly on my feet.

We just lay there, for hours maybe, till her stomache started to grumble. I stood up and she ran a hand down my chest all the way to my hips making me shiver lightly.

" You need food Norm, water, and then some sleep." She smiled at me but I could see the pain in her eyes. I knew how I looked must hurt her. I'd, Max actually, shaved everything off my face leaving me looking haggared. My eyes were wid ewith deep black bags underneath them. My hair stuck up at wierd angels and my shoulders slumped.

" Your probably right." I ran a han dover my face pulling on a pair of knee length shorts handing my shirt over. She did something strange then though it made me smile. She pressed my shirt to her face and took a deep breath smiling as she put it on.

I raised an eyebrow and she smiled. " Smells like you."

I shook my head slightly and made a confused face.

" Oh come on babe you can't say you don't like what I smell like see." She jumped on me throwing me back onto the cot, I'd set up back before the war where I was hoping our baby could sleep, and buried my face in her hair. I took a deep breath, inhaling half her hair, I had to admit she did smell good. Amazing.

" Your right. You smell amazing." I took another deep breath this time at her neck. " Especially right here." I kissed her neck lightly. " And here." I kissed her sholder. " Oh here too." I kissed the diviot in her neck. " Oh and here." I kissed her stomache lightly. " Mostly here though." I kissed her full on the lips.

She smiled her eyes lighting up. " You really wanna play this game? I'm gonna win." She gave me a cocky smirk.

" Eat first, then we can play." She chuckled in anticipation. I picked her up and carried her into the kitchen. She smiled her arms around my sholders her head tucked into my neck.

(sorry sad chapie. review for more)


	4. A little help?

okay so i'm thinking about adding details to this chapter... dirty details but i need fan oppinions.


	5. Jelousy

(I've been forgetting to tell that i own nothing. all of this was james cameron. back to trudy's p.o.v. seeing as norm's is kinda hard, send me a review and tell me which you like. Has an idea but is afraid to use it... tell me what you think... oh and Norm is going to be... rough.)

There was a knock on the door and I smiled getting out of bed. Thinking it was Max or Laura I just simply pulled on one of Norm's ridiculously huge shirts. I grabbed a black pair of briefs and slipped into them leaving my hair ruffled. The sholder slipped down my arm showing the world I wasn't wearing a bra but hey Max was married. I slipped on a mask and opened the door. It was a new science zoidie. He looked about twenty seven, he had dark tousled broze colored hair and blue eyes. He was fairly buff and gave me an overconfident smirk.

" Bossman told me to bring you somethin'." He smiled his voice husky.

" Ya sure what is it?" I asked running a hand through my hair. My voice was flat.

" Me." He smirked raising his eyebrows.

" Ya sure right." I rolled my eyes.

" No just a joke but here." He handed me a heavy box, nothing for me though. " Hope I'll see ya around. You live here?"

" Ya nost of the time." I smiled gaurdidly.

" I heard you fly." He winked.

" Sometimes here and there."

" Pretty lady like you, might be dangerous."

" Hardly. I'm hardcore." I smiled gaurdidly thinking back to the crash.

" In the bed room I bet, well gotta go gorgous and think about my offer." He got in the plane and was gone.

" What the hell was that about?" I spun around to see Norm, and shit was he pissed.

" I don't know he gave me this box." I held it out.

" He fucking offered to-" He stopped growling. " I swear to Awya I'm going to kill-"

" Shit Norm relax. I'm yours. He's nothing don't even know his name." I ran a hand through his hair. We were back in the what ever the hell it was and our masks were gone.

" Prove it." He kissed me roughly throwing me against the wall. It didn't hurt, the exact oppisite actually. He grabbed the edge of the shirt fumbling for a minute. " Dammit I can't get it off." He was impatient.

" Rip it." I growled as his lips hit my neck. My shirt hit the floor and then so did his. He bit my neck hard enough to make me grunt and I could tell he was jelous. He was going to show me why I picked him.

" Fuck." He had my briefs around my ankles then pulled me up my legs wrapping around his waist.

" I'm going to give you a reason to call me Tiger." He growled biting my lip. My mouth fell open and he showed no mercy his tounge in my mouth. I shook my head and decided to fight back. I gripped his hair tightly and growled. His hands fumbled with his belt and then I heard the clinck of his pants hitting the floor.

I smirked. He was jelous. He proved it by the way he was acting. He smirked at me fire in his eyes. I tried tp pull away, only for a moment before he crashed his lips on mine. This was actually kina hot. I smiled as he threw me down on the bed my legs wide in anticipation. He pushed his way, gently but firmly, into me. He pounded into me relentlessly his eyes never leaving mine.

I gripped the bar of the bunk behind me in my hand tightly and grabbed his neck with the other. This was fun. No more of the whole soft and easy shit. This was hardcore sex.

" Mmph." I grunted my eyes wide, watching Norm.

He looked at me and smirked lightly. I groaned and bit his lip. He hooked my legs around his sholders and braced his hands on either side of my head.

" Who's are you?" Norm growled in my ear.

" Yours." I whispered.  
>" Who's?" He bit my earlobe.<p>

" Yours." This time it was a groan.

" Who's are you?" He kissed my neck, licking and biting down my neck closer to my cleavge while still pounding me.

" Yours." A scream.

" Make me belive it." He licked along my sholders.

I brought his mouth to mine my tounge winding its way past his lips. I toyed with his tounge for a while before growing bored with that. I bit his lip and puled away. He caught my tounge between his lips again then I moved to his ear. I bit his earlobe running my tounge along it as I my back arched and my muscles tightened.

" Trudy!" Norm came then his arms tightening around me.

He let my legs slide from his sholders and kissed me hungrily. I growled softly before ending the kiss my breathing heavy.

" Who's are you?" He whispered huskily in my ear.

" Yours. Always." I kissed him licking up his neck.

I pulled him closer my head over his heart. He pulled the blanket tightly around us both his arms hanging over my waist drawing light circles on my thigh.

I let my eyes fall closed.


End file.
